Man, ive made such a huge mistake. I threw out my razors the other night so that i couldn't cut anymore. I just couldn't take it anymore earlier, i needed to cut and i couldn't find anything sharp in my bedroom, it was driving me mad, i couldn't handle it all, so i burnt myself instead. I hate myself for it. It's been a week today that i last cut and now i've gone and burnt myself and i bit my arm. Why did i go and do that? I'm so stupid, and worst of all i've gone and contradicted myself by talking someone else out of cutting herself, then going and burning myself the next minute, and now i've hurt her and i am so sorry for it. I wish i could take it back but i can't and it's tearing me up inside. Burning myself was surely better than taking an overdose like I wanted to at first. I don't know anymore, I really don't. I give up now. I've had it with my life.  ¶ 3:11 PM

  I'm Sorry

I'm sorry that I didn't believe you,
but it was just that you were way too normal.
Too normal to be ill,
too normal to be dying.
You just didn't seem ill to me.
I'm sorry I caused you all that hurt and pain,
in your last few months.
But please know that i didn't know,
I didn't understand.
If only I'd listened and believed you,
Instead of putting you through all that hell.
You deserved better than that.
It's too late for me to change it all now,
but please know that i'm sorry.
And i hope you can forgive me,
now that you know my reasons.  ¶ 1:39 PM

  Gone

I know you've gone and left me,
people say it was for the best.
I don't know where you've gone,
but I know you're never coming back.
People say you're in a better place now,
where you can have a new life,
filled with happiness and no more pain.
No more pain, no more tears.
I still can't believe you're gone,
I need you here with me.
To help me through all the tough times
to see that i get through alive.
But there's nothing I can ever do,
that can bring you back.
But please always know how much i love you,
and how much you are missed.
Please dont ever forget me,
Because i'll never ever forget you.
  ¶ 1:35 PM

  Snow

Snow on the rooftops,
snow on the ground.
Snow on all of the cars,
and snow on the mountaintops.
Can you tell it's December?
Christmas is almost here!


Don't you cry

Baby, please don't cry,
I've gone to a better place.
A new life full of joy and happiness,
and no more sorrow and pain.
So baby know that I still love you,
I always have and I always will.
So please baby, don't you cry.  ¶ 1:30 PM

  Well, I finally did it. I made the biggest step of my life so far. Sounds like alot doesn't it, well it may not seem like alot when i tell you what it is, but it's the hardest thing i've ever had to do. I threw out my razors. All of them. I'm determined to stop cutting now. I've got to. it's not exactly doing me any good is it? i may think it's good for me but deep down I know how bad what i'm doing is. Every cut i make brings alot of guilt because what i'm doing to myself isn't a natural way of coping, and it isn't a normal way of coping, and it's hurting me and it's causing too many questions now. I've had enough of all my scars, of all the questions that get asked, and of all the pain i'm causing myself.

It's going to be realy cool tonight, going to bed wanting to cut but knowing that I can't because i have no razors. I'm usually too scared to go to bed, in case i cut, hence me going to bed really late most nights. But, no more of that. I don't have to be scared anymore.
  ¶ 1:27 PM

  Mommy, I'm Sorry

Mommy, I'm so sorry,
I had to end it all.
I wasn't trying to be selfish,
I didn't mean anyone pain.
I didn't mean to hurt you,
Or anyone else.
I just wanted to end all the pain.
Mommy, if you only knew how bad I was hurting,
You would see I wasn''t being selfish.
But now i can see,
all the hurt and pain I''ve caused.
If only I'd known.
I''m so sorry mommy,
Just know that it's not your fault.  ¶ 12:12 PM

  Why?

How could you have been so selfish,
Didn't you know it was wrong?
How could you leave us to suffer like this,
When you got to take away all your pain?
Why did you have to leave so soon?
You were still too young.
Why did you have to do that,
and put us through all that pain?
What did we do to you that was so wrong?
Were our efforts to keep you alive all in vain?
I can't believe you did that,
I can't believe your gone.
It's too late now to give you a lecture.
Just know that you're missed alot,
and what you did was wrong.  ¶ 12:09 PM

  A Miracle

Green leaves on the tree,
Raindrops on the ground.
Little ole me stuck in the house,
Lying in bed.
Hoping and praying for a miracle,
so i can wake up tomorrow,
and see all this again.  ¶ 12:06 PM

  Christmas

Snow fallling on the ground.
The green pine tree being decorated.
Stockings hung for santa claus,
and food left out for his reindeers.
Presents sitting under the tree,
waiting to be opened bright and early on christmas morning.
Turkey roasting in the oven,
the chocolates half eating.
Just by looking,
Anyone can tell,
Christmas is here!  ¶ 12:03 PM